Channeling Sherlock Holmes

| June 11 2013
Burt Prelutsky

Arthur Conan Doyle’s greatest creation, the pre-eminent logician and crime solver Sherlock Holmes was wont to compare the human brain to an attic.  It was his belief that the finite space was best employed as a storage bin for those items that would be of use in his work.  Thus, at any given time, he might not know the name of the Prime Minister, but he would be able to identify over 150 different types of tobacco.

I’m sure there are those who would argue that the human brain has infinite capacity, but even they would have to acknowledge that life would be a lot easier if, when searching for someone’s name, they didn’t have to rummage through a brain that was cluttered with a lot of names they’d casually tossed into their cranial attics, where they lie and collect dust; the verbal equivalent of torn lampshades, rusted ice skates and Hula Hoops.

The following is my attempt at spring cleaning.  So, for openers, let me say that I believe attempted murder should carry the same penalty as first-degree murder.  Otherwise, you’re simply rewarding incompetence.

It will come as a surprise to most people that the Pledge of Allegiance was authored by a socialist minister named Francis Bellamy, a cousin of Edward Bellamy, author of “Looking Backward,” a futuristic novel which depicted a  socialistic America as Utopia.

When Francis penned the Pledge in 1882, he hoped it would promote public education while denigrating private and parochial schools, which couldn’t be relied on to promote the authority of the federal government.

In the beginning, students were instructed to recite the Pledge with their arms outstretched, palms up, similar to the way Romans had once been required to hail Caesar.  The custom was dropped in the 1940s when people realized how similar it was to Germans heiling Hitler.

What Bellamy initially wrote was:  “I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”  With an eye to the French, he considered including “equality” and “fraternity,” but decided against it, realizing that the state superintendents of education on his committee were opposed to equality for women and blacks.

One of the things that I despise the most about the Pro-Choice groups is the way that Obama, the harpies in NOW and the creepy crew at Planned Parenthood, try to pass off abortions as a women’s health issue.  To me, that’s as far-fetched as describing Nazi concentration camps as a German transportation issue.

I am always hearing liberals insist that anything they object to — be it Guantanamo, drone strikes on Islamic terrorists, U.S. presence in the Middle East, military tribunals or our alliance with Israel — are all recruiting tools for Hamas, Hezbollah and the Muslim Brotherhood.  Why is it that I never hear them say that the attack on the USS Cole, the taking of hostages by Iran, the attack on our Marine base in Lebanon, 9/11, the safe haven for Osama bin Laden in Pakistan and the Boston massacre, should all be recruiting tools for the good guys?

I’d love to have someone interview Jay Carney’s mother and ask her how she feels about all the sacrifices, all the skimping and saving, required to enable the family to send her son to an Ivy League school, just so he could grow up and lie for a living.

Speaking of he for whom Carney tells whoppers on a daily basis, in his commencement speech at Ohio State, Obama warned the graduating class not to listen to those who tell them the tyrant is just around the corner.

For once, he was right.  The tyrant wasn’t lurking in the wings.  He was standing at the podium.

Speaking of tyrants, let us all keep in mind that it’s this very same Tea Party-hating IRS that Obama has authorized to oversee and enforce ObamaCare.

While I know that the media and some Democrats have backed the IRS into a corner, Obama, as usual, has tossed a body — in this case the temporary head of the organization who was already two weeks away from being replaced — under the usual bus.  So far as Obama is concerned, he’s done all that needed to be done.  Now everyone is expected to move along.  “Nothing to see here, folks.”

But anyone who believes that the IRS has been buried has never seen one of those horror movies in which zombies crawl out of their graves and start clumping around the neighborhood, looking for human brains, which they crave the way some people hanker after those nice little energy bars.

Although we all realize it’s only a temporary setback, I confess I’m delighted to see those bratty tax collectors for once being scolded and sent to bed without their supper.

For as I’m  always saying to Dr. Watson, it’s elementary that even a slightly tarnished silver lining is better than no silver lining at all.

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