Newsletter subscribe

Entertainment, Features, Politics, Top Stories

Senate reaches deal on federal registry for Stiletto Heels

Posted: April 11, 2013 at 1:45 pm   /   by

Senate Democrats & Republicans reached an agreement today on terms of a new law requiring the registration of all women’s stiletto-heel shoes.  After months of wrangling over details including the length of the heel, and its material composition, leaders of the upper chamber announced this morning they had arrived at a bill both sides felt could muster the necessary 60 votes to end debate and pass to a floor vote. A major obstacle was overcome when the Republican committee members finally agreed to drop exemption of the so-called “girth to length ratio” after conceding that while broad, flat-bottomed heels were unlikely stabbing-weapons, they still represented a serious threat in a bludgeoning-type attack, and thus should have been covered under the 2017 public safety bill which banned private ownership of hammers, bricks, or any other heavy blunt object that might be wielded as a weapon. This agreement comes on the eve of the trial of the notorious Sally-Mae Pelosi-Jackson, the San Francisco teachers aid who stabbed four kindergarten students with the heel of her Versace pumps while escorting them  to a school assembly on transgender sensitivity.

OK, yes, this is satire.  We are not on the verge of registering pointy women’s footwear as deadly weapons, at least not yet.  Although with all the talk of new gun control legislation, combined with yesterday’s stabbing attack in Texas, one wonders how far off such a thing may actually be. Dylan Quick, the student who went on a rampage with a knife in his community college may have single-handedly shown how wrong-headed and futile the push for gun control really is by illustrating two things:

  1. Guns don’t kill people, the mentally-disturbed do.  And…
  2. If they can’t get guns, the mentally-disturbed will simply use something else.

Thankfully it does not appear any of Quick’s victims are going to die as a result of their wounds, but things could have been much, much worse.  But had someone in the vicinity been armed with a handgun, they could have stopped, or possibly even prevented Quick’s rampage altogether by either warning him to stop or shooting him if necessary.  Ironic, huh? So after we ban guns, and then knives, where do we go next?  What is the surest way to protect the public from mentally disturbed people determined to harm or kill others?  The answer of course is, you can’t.  There always will be those who seek to harm or kill the innocent around them due either to malice or mental instability.    The best way to defend the public is to allow those who choose to do so to arm themselves, which is exactly the opposite course of what is now being considered in congress.